Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
