Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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