I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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