someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
