Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
