Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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