also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I looked at my own cervix.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Randomize
