My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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