i just had sex bonerless
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
