youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
