After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
