Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
