Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
