Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
