ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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