The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
