Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
