Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
