went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
