i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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