things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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