My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize