Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Randomize