420 ftw
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
