I was born with a shot glass in my hand
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
