I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Randomize
