Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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