I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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