the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's blow job season.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
