I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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