I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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