You can't special order awesome
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
