i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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