i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
