Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
just tell him i said nine months
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
