dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
