if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
