I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
