I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
