Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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