dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
