if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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