is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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