I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
