Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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