i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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