I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
