as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You pole danced in your parka.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
