weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
