I'm gonna have a badass scar
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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