I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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