I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
