I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
