Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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