gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
