I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
