Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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