The best revenge is premature balding
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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