Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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