So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
