I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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