Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
