i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize