party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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