Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
