Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Is it because I queefed?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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