okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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