My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
