She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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